i finally got it to work!
Hopefully! So PLEASE join me over at my new blog, My Life!
I keep thinking that I want to do something different with this blog. After all, I am Pookah’s Mom, but I feel like being his Mom is consuming me. I miss me. I miss the old me. I know she can never fully return because she has a whole new set of responsibilities now. And I know that I can never return to “just” being the old me because of my precious baby boy. Everyday I am amazed and astounded that I am someone’s mother. His mother. But does mean that this is now my main function in life now? Is there nothing else?
I know some will say, you are still a wife. A daughter. A sister. A friend.
But I really fell like these things fall by the wayside and are secondary to being Pookah’s Mom.
And I don’t necessary like that. There was a time when I felt that that was all that was in me. My love for him consumes me. It overwhelms me. It takes precedent over everything else. Whenever I do something, plan something, think about something, he is always first.
Is that bad?
I don’t know.
But I feel like I am loosing me.
And in the process, loosing my life. Loosing my ability to function as something other than a satellite orbiting around him.
Once again. Loosing me.
Does anyone else feel this way?
Is this normal?
I think I want to change the focus of my blog so that it’s not so much about just being Pookah’s Mom, but about the other things going on in Pookah’s Mom’s life.
I don’t feel like I’m getting my point across. Does anyone understand?
My Baby is 8 months old today!
C-Dub and I were looking at him naked today and we were both amazed that he is starting to look like a little boy and not a baby anymore. He’s getting longer, skinnier, and he just looks like he is growing up!
What’s new this month?
He’s mobile. NO he’s not crawling or walking. But he does this scoot thing and somehow he gets around. He babbles all day long. I’m starting to say no a LOT! He is so active!!!! Daycare seems to have cured him of stranger anxiety. he just goes to whoever now. Including my sister-in-law( you know, the one he always cries when she even looked at him). He is sleeping!! Every once and a while, I will get a small whine when I put him down. It’s like he gears up to give a big cry, then falls off to sleep before he can get it out. But all, my baby is just growing up!!
I can’t believe I’ve been a Mommy for 8 months!
I can’t remember what week we’re on! I’m basically on my own schedule and I am now on week #3.
I lost .2 pounds?
Ok, that could just be gas.
But I didn’t GAIN any.
Which is a miracle because I’ve been sick, Pookah’s been sick, and dammit, eating right has not been my priority.
But Ok. I am trying to restart this week. Get motivated. Cook. Eat healthy. Count my calories.
For instance, today I had a Jamaican beef patty on warm coco bread from the Jamaican bakery. Yummy. I searched and searched and got 600 calories total. Good Lord. Breakfast (old-fashioned oatmeal, Lactaid fat free milk, 2 slices of turkey bacon and margarine in the oatmeal, all 350 calories. Then, I had dinner ( baked barbecue wings, baked mashed sweet potatoes, collard greens( no meat) which equals about 545 calories. All of this equals 1450 calories. I can have dessert!!! Keep in mind, I am aiming for anywhere between 1800 and 2000 calories per day. And I did exercise today.
I’ll try not to go overboard.
We are all sick over here. Pookah caught the daycare crud, had a temp of 103.3. We rushed him to the dr only to discover that no, he doesn’t have an ear infection. And yes, it is a cold. There is really no medicine for him besides the Tylenol and motrin for the fever and saline drops for the stuffy nose. It should last 5 to 7 days.
Please pay your co-pay.
Poor Pookah has been miserable. He can barely breathe and suck, so eating has been a misery. But bless him, he soldiers on. He hasn’t had a fever that high since Friday. But that may be because he is getting motrin/Tylenol around the clock. His nose runs constantly, or is stuffed with thick thick mucous.
And of course, Mommy caught the crud too.
So we are all just Dandy over here.
In other news,
I’ve been wondering about my Aunt Flo.
You remember her? Some of you moms have already had your visit from her. I, on the other hand, have not.
My baby will be 8 months old tomorrow, and I have not seen Aunt Flo since last February.
Yeah…..it only started me thinking when a friend of mine who had a 10 month old told me she is unexpectedly pregnant. By accident. She hadn’t even noticed that Aunt Flo hadn’t been regular. She didn’t notice for 11 weeks people.
That got me to thinking.
How would I even know if I was pregnant? AF has been missing in action, I haven’t exactly been tracking cervical mucous and well, I have had sex….despite myself……
But I don’t think so.
But if I’m not pregnant, where is AF?
I am happy to report FINALLY some weight loss around here!!!!
Recap: Starting Weight: 180.6
Weight this AM: 178.2!!!!
What did I do different this week?
I actually started “counting calories” like I am supposed to.
According to a calorie counting website, I should be taking in about 2000 calories a day to maintain breastfeeding and loose weight. That would be one pound a week. I’ve been trying to stay between 1800 and 2000.
Well, it worked! I noticed it worked best when I just became aware of what I was eating. I admit to having ice cream this week. Several times. But I accounted for it in my calorie budget! I made sure i ate three meals a day. With snacks. And when I work at night, I made sure to eat only soup or a lean cusine meal for dinner. And I snack on yogurt( Dannon’s Greek Yogurt REALLY helps. It has 12 grams of protein!!!).
So I am very proud of myself despite the face that I haven’t exercised.
But that will change as of today!!!
The boy is going to daycare and I WILL exercise!!!
So have a good week ladies!!!!
Last night was bad.
I put him down. I patted him. Kissed him. Left the room.
I came back in five minutes.
He got worse.
He escalated, and never calmed down for 35 minutes.
C-Dub was content to just let him cry. He kept saying, “He’ll wear himself out.”
I couldn’t take it anymore. I went and got him.
He had scooted himself up into a corner of the crib, was red-faced, and looked sooooo pitiful.
I picked him up and he cried and cried and cried for about 15 more minutes. I cried the whole time he cried.
Finally, he calmed down, C-Dub came in and we all sat there for a while making him smile and calming him down. But the whole time, I felt like C-Dub was accusing me for not holding out. He kept making little comments.
“Now he’s awake and thinks its playtime.”
So anyway, finally, I rocked him back to sleep, and then put him down knocked out.
He slept from 930 till 1 am.
At 1, I put him down drowsy, and sat beside the bed where he could see me while he drifted off again. I even held his hand for a little while. Then I left the room
And then he slept until 5 30 am.
So,even though he woke up early as all get out, he slept better once the crisis was over.
it was like old times!
But back to C-Dub.
I don’t know what his problem is lately. It’s like he expects me to cook, clean, take care of his baby, and give him sex. Basically, his maid, his babysitter, his cook, and his prostitute. With no complaints.
That aint happening over here.
Sex? I am ashamed(well, not really) to admit that he gets it much much much less than he did before we had the baby. But I’m tired. He thinks that since I only work two days a week, I should be up and popping. But I work 12 hours nights. Without Pookah, it used to take me a day to recover from working nights. With him? It’s almost impossible. I am chronically sleep deprived. I come home from working all night, and I do not get to sleep. Sometimes I don’t get more than 4 hours at a time for 48 hours. He doesn’t understand this. All he sees is “two nights a week.” And if I ask him to watch his child for a few hours while I catch a nap, in peace, I get attitude or either he will bring the baby in the bed with us and go to sleep himself.
He doesn’t understand that I need a break. He doesn’t understand how hard it is to cook dinner and clean a house with an active 7 month old who is screaming, teething and demanding your attention. He has no clue how my day goes. How my life revolves around naps. How I LIVE for naps.
Of course, it’s ME who wants the daycare. He finally agreed only because finally I told him he didn’t have a choice. If he wanted his wife back, this is what had to happen.
But still. He is being a butthole. That’s putting it nicely.
And I don’t know what to do about it. Yet.