Posted by: Rose's Daughter | October 3, 2008

Joy

So vacation was great.  Me and C-Dub spent a lot of quality time together, just enjoying each other.  Of course, we just couldn’t totally get away from the “So when are you going to have kids?” question.  But C-Dub had the perfect answer, “Whenever God decides.”

At the time, I just smiled and nodded my head, grateful that the topic was dropped after that.  But then I got back home and found the passage that I made into a new page and it really came home to me.

Before I left, I was so set on “think positive!” But this last year with every BFN or appearance of AF or watching everyone else get pregnant, I have been letting this whole process “steal my joy.”   I was becoming an angry, sad, jealous and bitter bitch.

Nothing had “real” joy.  Not work, not time off, not time with C-Dub, nothing.  Just my obsession with becoming pregnant.  Everything was being centered around, well I can’t do that because I might be pregnant then, or that’s my O week we need to be home to BD every day, or it’s the 2WW.  My life is virtually on hold waiting for that magical BFP.  And I am tired of that. 

My joy has been stolen!

Well, I am vowing right now to take it back.  I want my life to be full of friends, happiness, ecstasy, and yes Joy. 

That’s my new mission.  No matter what.

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Responses

  1. Welcome back!! I’m jealous, Shug and I desparately need a vacation by the sea! And thanks for the words of encouragement, I truly appreciate it. As for your new mission – go for it, RECLAIM YOUR JOY!


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