Posted by: Rose's Daughter | December 10, 2008

What more can I say?

So.

I am……………unsure of what to say.

I was doing fine, then suddenly, I started bleeding much more heavily and it just hit me.

I am no longer pregnant.

I keep trying to move on, to “get over it.”  But I seem to keep getting smacked upside the head with it.

I work in freakin Labor and Delivery.  My patient today was having her 5th baby.  Happily.  She wanted to tie her tubes becuase she said(and I quote here) “I don’t want no more of these damn babies.  I am too damn fertile.”  Ok.  Not even one hour later, I delivered a woman on her 3rd.   Oh happy joy joy

Several of my co-workers are pregnant.  And complain about everything. I really just want to scream, “SHUT THE FUCK UP!”  But I just walk away.

My cousin’s girlfriend(the one he beats and she keep coming back for more) calls me to chit chat about how she doesn’t want to be pregnant anymore, and why can’t it just come out? She’s 33 weeks.  When I explain about possible NICU stays and everything, she still wants the baby out, and proceeds to talk a hole in  my head about the baby this and the baby that.  And she knows I just had my D&C on Friday.

Selfish Bitch.

I am physically(hey, I’m bleeding like a good period here.) and emotionally worn out.

I even think I am becoming a little depressed.

I can’t sleep, I can cry at the drop of a hat. 

I feel like a wrung out wet wash cloth.  Just limp.

My mother says this too shall pass, and that’s it’s only been a few days really since the D&C.  I should give myself some slack.  It just seems so much longer.

I feel like I whine whine whine. 

So, whenever family, friends, co-workers or C-Dub ask me if I am OK, I say, yes.  I am just fine.

Maybe if I keep saying it, it will become my reality.

Maybe.

Advertisements

Responses

  1. I don’t know what it’s like to suffer a miscarriage, but I carry all that other baggage that comes with infertility. We’ll get through this, it’s going to hard, but we’ll get through this.
    *big giant hug*

  2. When I lost my first and people would ask me if I was ok I would tell them straight up, “no”. That made me feel better, knowing that other people were aware of how much I was suffering. It’s easy to put on a happy, happy face to please others. But I was better off being honest to people about my feelings. I hope you get through this ok. I wish I could tell you that you’ll feel better soon. What I do know, is that this is the hardest thing you will ever have to go through. But you WILL get throuh it. My throughs are with you and C-Dub. **hugs**


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Categories

%d bloggers like this: