Posted by: Rose's Daughter | March 8, 2009

Weekend observations.

So……..

I go to work today, working at the hospital for an odd weekend shift.  (Still need that extra money you know).  So, I get there, do a delivery, chill.  I’m doing all right.  Get another patient.  Chill.  Deliver( and I do mean deliver, literally.  The doctor didn’t make it. ) someone else’s patient.  Then, I get the news:

“Well, you know, Miss Whiney is pregnant.  8 weeks.  ”

Ok.

“And Cool Work Friend is pregnant too.”

Ok, Cool Work Friend,(we will call her K from here out) was great after the miscarraige.  She left me alone, talked to me like I was normal, and didn’t treat me with kids gloves like some others.  She always joked that she was going to need a RE to get pregnant because she was going to be over 35 by the time she found a man.  She had just broken off her engagement.

Well, of course, she is pregnant.  Accidently.  By the ex.  And she didn’t even want to be.

I love her to death, but for a second, I honestly hated her guts.

I feel so bad. 

But honestly, I wasn’t devestated to hear the news of pregnancy like I have been.  I laughed at the irony of it all, and tried to tuck it away( after the momentary gut hating).  I guess I’m returning to normal?

Or whatever normal is.

We went to the park yesterday, and everyone was out with babies in the strollers, babies in arms, babies on the swings, babies in the grass, babies babies, babies. And dogs.

I felt so left out.  We were just walking through the park, strolling, talking, just enjoying the day.  It would have been perfect if we had had a baby or even a damn dog.  Or even if I was just still pregnant.  Waiting.  Anticipating.

I got an invitation to a baby shower next weekend.  Yet another work friend who got pregnant after trying for 6 months.  She’s been great.  But I still don’t want to go to the freakin baby shower.  But I will.  You know I will.  She’s a friend and I’m a glutton for punishment. 

So since the OPK was positive on Friday, I should have ovulated by now.  Can’t do anything else this cycle except lay off the caffeine and cross my fingers.  Hoping would be too painful.  I am going to try to go back to acting like I’m not paying attention.

I guess I’ll know in two weeks.

Just like last month.

Shit.

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Responses

  1. Those “surprise” pregnancies are just PEACHY, aren’t they? Ugh. It’s so hard to deal with them with a big ole’ smile on your face when in reality you just want to shake your fists and yell, ‘WHY NOT ME?!?!?!’

    I just had a friend tell me that she switched birth controls and, OOPS! it didn’t work! She’s pregnant. She’s been with the guy for about 7 months, oh, and she’s had an abortion in the past when she was still with her ex fiance. AWESOME!

    It seems like there were never as many pregnant women and babies in this world until after I had a miscarriage. Funny how that happens, eh?

    I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you.

  2. Baby showers and news of pregnancies at work totally suck especially after a loss and TTC! It can be so isolating and people just don’t understand the heartache. I’m still praying for your miracle and piece of mind when you go to that shower!

  3. I feel you Ma! We spent some time at the lake this weekend. Didn’t take the dogs because Shug is on crutches. It broke my heart to not be one of the many families with children. Then on our way home we pass a park were kids were practicing baseball & t-ball….I feel you Ma!


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