Posted by: Rose's Daughter | December 10, 2009

Two weeks in………

Today, my precious pookah is 2 weeks old.

I find it hard to believe that I have been someone’s Momma for 2 weeks!

And while it has not been all roses, I am so in love with my little one.

It is hard for me to admit that it hasn’t been perfect.  For over two years, I have dreamed and plotted and planned to be a mother.  You would think that with all my planning, research, yearning, and anticipating, everything would be while not perfect, as close to it as it can get.

But that’s not reality.

I am trying not to let my jobless state intrude on this time, but I must.  It’s two weeks in, and I really need to go back to work in January.  This means I have to start the process of looking for, applying for and interviewing for jobs.  When my baby is just 2 weeks old.  It makes me almost physically ill to think of going to work and leaving my baby somewhere in a mere 4 weeks.  My parents have basically moved in and taken over.  On the one hand, I am so grateful for the selfless sacrifice of leaving their home and basically setting up shop at mine.  I mean, they buy all the groceries, they cook all the meals, they clean, they wash clothes, they hold the baby while I sleep, the give us money for half of the mortgage with the promise that they can give us the whole thing next month.

It’s enough to send me over the edge.

I can’t count how many times I have broken down and cried in the last two weeks.  In joy as I look down at CJ’s face, or watch C-Dub be the amazing father I only dreamed he would be; in gratitude for my parents, in frustration at my situation, and in despair as I prepare to go back to work.

But I can’t live off of my parents forever.  There is something SO wrong with that scenario.

Added later:

Since i started writing this post(about 4 hours ago) I have secured an interview with a recruiter at one of the hospitals here.  It’s a night-time position :(.  Part time or either PRN(as needed).  I will see what the pay is vs the commitment needed.  I’m trying to work as little as possible for as much money as I can.

(Sign).  This is so depressing.

I just want to stay home with my baby and not have to worry about this.

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Responses

  1. *HUGS* I will keep my fingers crossed for the best solution possible. I know thinking about leaving Nellie after my mat. leave is over makes me anxious and she’s not even here yet.

    And it sounds like you have AMAZING parents!!!

  2. I want your parents too! I have to go back after 6 weeks, and even though I have family watching Fletcher, I hate it. Good luck with the job situation!

  3. Hooray for parents! I hope my parents are as wonderful.
    I understand about the job worries. I also want to work as little as possible. Good luck finding a position which works for you.

  4. Since you have your husband’s benefits, per diem work would be optimal. Like you said little work for more money! And with all your experience, those hospitals should be dying to have you!

    CJ has an awesome momma!

  5. I feel ya. I have to start looking for a job soon too. We just moved back home, and are lving with my mom. I want to be out as soon as possible, so that means, finding a job!!!


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