Posted by: Rose's Daughter | July 28, 2010

Pookah’s Mom

I keep thinking that I want to do something different with this blog. After all, I am Pookah’s Mom, but I feel like being his Mom is consuming me.  I miss me.  I miss the old me.  I know she can never fully return because she has a whole new set of responsibilities now.  And I know that I can never return to “just” being the old me because of my precious baby boy.  Everyday I am amazed and astounded that I am someone’s mother. His mother. But does mean that this is now my main function in life now?  Is there nothing else? 

I know some will say, you are still a wife.  A daughter.  A sister.  A friend. 

But I really fell like these things fall by the wayside and are secondary to being Pookah’s Mom.

And I don’t necessary like that.  There was a time when I felt that that was all that was in me.  My love for him consumes me.  It overwhelms me.  It takes precedent over everything else.  Whenever I do something, plan something, think about something, he is always first.

Is that bad?

I don’t know. 

But I feel like I am loosing me.

And in the process, loosing my life.  Loosing my ability to function as something other than a satellite orbiting around him.

Once again.  Loosing me.

Does anyone else feel this way?

 Is this normal?

I think I want to change the focus of my blog so that it’s not so much about just being Pookah’s Mom, but about the other things going on in Pookah’s Mom’s life.

I don’t feel like I’m getting my point across.  Does anyone understand?

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Responses

  1. I think that probably ALL moms (at least the ones worth a damn) go through a point where they feel this way! Do you! Just because you’re pookah’s mom doesnt mean we dont want to hear about the other things you do! Go for it!

  2. This is EXACTALLY what I went through a few weeks ago. Once I identified a few things I felt I needed to do to get myself back I refreshed my blog and now I feel MUCH better about myself AND my blog. Take some time and think about things, then make a change. You’ll feel better! I did!

  3. You are definitely making sense. I have not been in your shoes, but I can’t help but think that some of the overwhelming-ness may be because he is so little and needs you so much. This is still a really new development in your life.

  4. Ok I feel a name change coming on….how about “The chronicles in the life of…Rose’s daughters…C-Dub’s wife…Pookah’s mom & ME (of course I mean you)”. Pookah is the latest addition to what is already established. Make it so that you dedicate a day to you/pookah/c-dub or whatever. I think “Pookah Friday” is the best way to start, that way “we” can hear about the adventurous week he has had and you can focus on what your interest are, again, during the remainder of the week. Of course I always love the Pookah storys and surely if one cant wait until friday do share 😀 . You need to just do some adjustments and shifting of things. Don’t fret you still exist .
    GG

  5. I totally get this! I struggled with this, and even worried about it while I was pregnant! I hate feelig like I was losing who I am.

    I highly recommend the book “This is not what I expected” It looks at this problem, and gives you ideas on how to deal with it.

  6. I know what you mean. Curious to see what you have coming up. Good luck.


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