Posted by: Rose's Daughter | January 24, 2010

Here I am on the eve of returning to work, and I am horrified.

Depressed. 

Anxious. 

 Trying to calm myself down.

The Pookah has refused almost every bottle/nipple known to man.  I even tried a sippy cup.  But he just cries pitifully and pushes them all away.  And when I finally can’t take it anymore and give him the boob, he looks at my with such accusation in his eyes! 

And so does C-Dub by the way.  The look is identical really. Scary.

 I HAVE to go back to work.  No choice really.  We need to pay the mortgage next month.

I don’t want to go!!!!!  What if he doesn’t eat the whole time that I am gone?  What if he screams and cries and makes himself and everyone around him miserable the whole week that I am on orientation?  How am I going to manage to pump enough this week  to keep my supply up?  Hell, where am I going to pump, the bathroom?

C-Dub of course isn’t helpful, he has this whole attitude that it’s not going to work and that we should have started him on the bottle from the beginning.

Yeah, he’s real supportive. 

 I feel like my head is going to blow up I am so stressed.  And I know that stress can decreased your supply, but really, how do I reduce stress when I know my baby won’t eat?

I don’t want to go back to work.  I want to stay home with my baby.   All the time.

I never thought it would be ME saying that.  But the very idea that I have to leave him for 10-14 hours at a time, is not sitting well with me at all. 

NOT. AT. ALL

I am not looking forward to tomorrow. 

I don’t want to leave my baby. 😦

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Responses

  1. I’m so sorry! The idea of leaving him must be so difficult. We just left baby girl with her grandparents for an hour to go to dinner and it physically hurt me. I never imagined I would have such crazy strong feelings about leaving her!

    I hope that you have a breakthrough with the bottle. I hope that he will eat once he does get hungry enough, as hard as that sounds. I hope that he surprises you guys and adjusts easily after the first day or so.

  2. I’m so sorry MyFriend, I hate that you are so stressed. I wish I could I do something to help.
    *Big Giant Hug & A Shoulder To Lean On*

  3. I’m so sorry. I hope that everything goes much more smoothly than you fear. Poor you, poor babyDub.

  4. Yeah, it’s really not helpful when they do that, and it just makes you want to give in to post-partum depression when he’s (the husband) in the same room as the knives. As far as pumping goes, they have to give you time to do that. I think it’s required by law, so don’t let them railroad you. The privacy issue is different. Does the hospital you work for have a call room for the doctors, or can you go to a remote room on the unit? I have no qualms about going to the locker room, but yours may not be as private. Ours is off the unit. I managed to console myself this week by telling myself that while I was at work, I was feeding him and providing him a house. I’d rather be home, too.

  5. gulp, I feel for ya. I gotta go back in a few weeks too…..not looking forward to it one bit!


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